Helping a friend who's struggling

Signs worth taking seriously

• Pulling out of things he'd normally never miss
• Drinking more, sleeping less, or both
• Short fuse, or flat and switched off
• Talking about being a burden or a failure
• Giving things away, sorting affairs out
• A sudden calm after a long bad patch

How to open it

1. 01

   Pick the setting

   Side by side beats face to face — a drive, a walk, a job you're doing together.

2. 02

   Name what you've seen

   "You've been quiet since Christmas." Specific is harder to bat away than "you alright?".

3. 03

   Ask twice

   The first answer is always "fine". The second ask is where the truth usually lives.

4. 04

   Shut up and listen

   Resist fixing. Silence is fine. "That sounds heavy" does more than advice.

5. 05

   Make the next step small

   Don't hand him a therapy waiting list. Send him somewhere he can say one thing anonymously tonight.

If you think he's in danger

Ask him straight: "Are you thinking about ending your life?" It does not plant the idea — it gives him permission to be honest. If the answer is yes and he's in immediate danger, stay with him, remove what you can, and call 999 or get to A&E. If it's not immediate, keep him talking and call Samaritans on 116 123 together — they'll talk to you about someone you're worried about, too.

Afterwards

Check back in a week. Most men get asked once, in a crisis, and then never again. Being the bloke who follows up is worth more than anything you said the first time. And look after yourself — carrying someone else's is heavy.